Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize