dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
