if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She needs sedatives and a leash
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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