Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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