then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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