Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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