We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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