I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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