She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
