Don't you send me to vm
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
