My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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