she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
