Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
