I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
