I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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