I wanna passion pit in your ass
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
