If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
