just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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