I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
