we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
they need to just BURY HIM!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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