i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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