my mouth tastes like poor choices
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
