Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
