Pregnant stripper...not hot.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
