she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize