After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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