he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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