I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
