Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
