do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
