My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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