69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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