Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
