One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
