that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
