If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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