The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
