We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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