are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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