Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
