Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
