girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Blood and glitter go together right?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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