I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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