I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
