i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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