nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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