i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
