I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
