dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
