My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
