I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
