apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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