Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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