too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
