I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Randomize
