whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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