so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
