why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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