we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
