hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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