Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
