Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize