dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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