i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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