I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
