I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
