did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
