See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize