he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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