if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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