Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize