So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
