beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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