please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
