Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
