she woke up with a sticky ear
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
