I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She's the barista slut.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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