it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
