Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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