The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
