i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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