hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
