he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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