I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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