weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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