Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
