once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
